..I love You in spite of..

What hurts the most?..

When you can’t fight for that one thing that would make you happy...

I may never be the person you look forward to seeing every day but I will always be the person who will look out for you each and every day.. Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity and so we ask ourselves: Will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Love is when you can't sleep.. it’s when you want to keep your eyes open..
Love isn’t when you keep holding on.. it’s when you learn to let go..
Love isn’t when you kill yourself with jealousy.. it’s when you understand..
Love isn't when you fall for someone.. it’s when you catch that person when she falls.. Love isn’t when you see her everywhere.. it’s when you close your eyes and she is still there..
Love isn’t when you tell her what you feel.. it’s when you give everything for her sake.. And love isn’t when you think you were blind.. it’s when you know she was wrong but you didn’t mind.

..Smiling When All You Wanna Do is Cry..

"Most relationships fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present...it's just that one loves too much and the other loves too many."

If I could ask God 1 thing, it would be "Are you destined for me?" if he says YES, then I'll love you even more! If he says NO then I'll continue to love you 'til I can make him agree that we're really meant to be..They say "Love is blind.." but in reality..LOVE IS NOT BLIND..it simply enables one to see things others fail to see!

I came upon fiftieth roman and nothing left except five inverted three and then YOU came last..

..Purest of Pain..

i'm sorry i didn't mean to call but i couldn't fight it
i guess i was weak couldn't even hide it
and so i surrender just to hear your voice
i know how many times
i said i'm gonna live without you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you it's all that i'm asking

vida, give me back ny fantasies
the courage that i need to hear
the air that i breathe
cariño mio my world becomes so empty
my days are so cold and lonely
and each night i taste
the purest of pain

i wish i could tell you i'm feelin' better everyday
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth i can't find my way
and deep inside me i feel like i'm dying
i have to see you it's all that i'm asking...

quisier a decirte que hoy estoy
de maravilla
que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
pero con un dedo
no se tapa el sol
estoy muriendo
muriendo por verte
agonizando, muy lento y muy fuerte

vida, devuelve me mis fantasias
mis ganas de vivir la vida
devuelve me el ave
cariño mio, sintin yo me siento vacio
las tardes son un laberinto
las noches me sabes

a puro dolor

..Does Love Need A Reason?..

Don't love me for anything...You may love for a reason but let the reason be...

For a moment i closed my eyes...I contemplated on what could have been the answer. After a few seconds, I opened it...smiled...Ifound the answer - NO!

Logically speaking, there's a reason for everything. The reason why you cry is "you're sad". The reason why you laugh is "you're happy". The reason why you eat is "you're hungry". and the reason why you drink is "you're thirsty". There's more...so much more...

A few days ago, I was asked of the same question (thru SMS) and the burden of answering such question fell like an arrow not only on my dry chaffed lips but also of the republic. Who would have thought that after 19 years (daw) of my confident existence, someone would make me think about this not only twice but thrice. I even resorted to writing this. The conversation went on until it was time for her to sleep.

It was something like...

(December 14, 2006...around 10PM..)

brasil - "what if you waited for your special someone your whole life and learn that no one is waitin' for you. true love is worth takin' chances for. sometimes you don't know why things work out, they just do."

tennis - "hmmm...why things work out? kaw? may sagot ka ba sa why?

brasil - "sabi nga nila, pag mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi kailangan ng reason basta mahal mo siya. pag nagkaroon ng sagot sa tanong na yun, di na yun love...pageant na."

tennis - "hehe! ay ang ganda...not for me. sa akin kailangan may reason. pag nagkatuluyan kami ni ma--t o ni naka-- s-n, i'l ask bakit niya ako mahal at kailangan may sagot sya haha! bulok style sakin ang just because...i just do eew!. everything has a reason. i believe that includes love."

brasil - "pano pag sinabi na " i don't know, it just hit me... i never believed in forever but i found forever in you" gusto mo talaga ng reason?"

tennis - "aba! eh kung ganun ba ang sasabihin sakin kahit wag na sya magsalita forever pagkatapos...hehe! ang reason kse is like a closure. for clarity parang pag tinanong what do you want to eat? tapos sumagot ng anything...i'm just hungry...ok na yun. gutom naman pala so kakain talaga but then again walang certainty. ano ba talaga gusto nya...same thing. u love just because, puede. but a reason gives it its foundaton di ba? di ba?"

and the rest...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...tulog na..............next time.....

ayt! ayt! but don't we have something we call unconditional? we come not to love a perfect person but we do to love him and his imperfections. the moment you found the reason why you love that particular person, that would no longer be true love. not that i'm telling you to be blinded by his foul actions on you but remember that's what makes him HUMAN...us HUMAN. he commits MISTAKES - we do. he tends to be INSENSITIVE at times - we do. he has inherited SINS - we did too! he's flesh and blood - he's human. we're human. if you have the reasons for loving someone then you might be looking for your perfect pair, your ideal man and i believe...that ideal man doesn't exist. oh yeah! he does but only in the mind.

- I love you because...you're tall

you're handsome

you're rich

you're intelligent

you're talented

What if he doesn't fall on those criteria? Yeah right! You wouldn't love him or like him...fine...but i always thought...Love is being felt by the heart and not being seen by the eyes or being think of by the brain.

- I love you because...you love me too

You're not obliged to reciprocate the love that he has for you. If you don't love him, just let him love you...that would do.

Anyway, nothing really that serious in here. "it takes faith to believe" you don't have to see it - feel it! I think it's a case to case basis, "to each his own" as she said. As for me, when I say I love you, I mean it and I wouldn't make promises I couldn't keep. and...please don't think that I don't understand because I do! I know there really are reasons but I don't want those reasons to be my reasons for loving you...

"MARAMING DAHILAN...TOTOO...AT ANG DAHILAN KO AY IKAW..."

DOES LOVE NEED A REASON?

For a moment I closed my eyes...I contemplated on what could have been the answer. After a few seconds, I opened it...smiled...I found the answer...

- LOVE

I smiled again...found another answer...

-YOU

I LOVE YOU...8

..Relationship: Public or Private?

"love can never be a secret forever..."

How far would you go for love? i don't know! but the moment it hits you, you really just don't know! most of the time, you don't even know that you're in-love. true? yes it is!!!

I really do admire couples who come out in the open and proclaim the kind of relationship that they're having. why? well... they're just so proud of it! who would not be proud if you've got yourself a "beauty na brains pa girl" or a "boy next door." tama? who would not be proud if your guy or your girl is some kind of a "hot property?" and only a chosen few were given that kind of self-gratifying-yet-hard-to-deal-with relationship. self-gratifyig for the simple reason that the relationship makes you feel proud of yourself and of your partner. hard-to-deal kasi you become a "hot item" that everyone's talkin' about and while you're so complacent with your "so far smooth sailing" relationship, somebody's trying to pull him/her away from you. just thank God it didn't came into reality because "malakas ang kapit mo!" or "sige na nga!" mahal ka kasi n'ya!" again... love... you know...

others prefer keeping the relationship away from everybody's "kamalayan" (wd d accent on d 4th syllable). i just don't know! maybe because theirs are not yet legal (earth calling parents!!!) or isn't it that they're not yet ready to face the responsibilities they have the moment they indulge into one. why commit in the first place? hindi kaya... hmMmNNn...

when couples are asked about keeping the relationship a secret, usual responses like "we're not yet sure e..." or "we're not yet ready e..." or the ever "gasgas na drama," "coz we want to keep our privacy." come alive. hellerRr!!! ang dami kayang rooms d'yan! sa CR lang private na!!! but seriously, can't you keep your privacy while in the open? (you are actually the one keeping or breaking your privacy) let us make this clear, keeping your relationship in private is not synonymous to keeping it a secret (or your secrets). what are your secrets anyway?! remember that secret and private are two different things. why? aren't you proud of it?!

in cases like the celebrities, they prefer a relationship in "secret." it's a career move you know... moves like the "loveteam" drama... ang pangit nga naman siguro kung may ka-loveteam ka tapos may ka-on ka non-showbiz pa! but isn't it s clear sign of gimmickry? put-ons or something? haay... buhay artista... tsk... tsk...what can you say?

well... i guess this one's "iba." a you and me against the world relationship kept in secret because you really do love him/her and you don't want anybody to be involved in it, get into it, or interfere with it. you don't want to go against culture and tradition and practice your own. you don't want to go against religion and believe your own, and you don't want to go against the society and live on your own. this one i think is really diff. and you should know what it is. after all it's love and it just comes out naturally! it illuminates... it radiates...

no! don't get me wrong (i'll leave that to your imagination) nothing in here really... my mind was just stirred by Y-SPEAK. catch it over studio 23 kabarkada mo!!! every sunday at 7:00 in the PM. speak and be heard...Y-SPEAK! (lintik!!! plugging na itoh!!!)..8

..Sacrifice or No Sacrifice?..

Are you willing to leave your life for a relationship?

i know your in love as of this time but how long will it stay? some might ask me "have you ever been in love?" yes i did it's just that i do not sound like i really have been... maybe because... i've been in so much pain in my whole and that i don't want that to happen again...not with you, not with anybody else, not in this lifetime baby!!!

if asked with the same question, NOPE!!! here are 2 of MY reasons why:

YOU CAN'T JUST SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR ANYBODY: that is the rule of my game. if you got yours, i also got mine! clever?! maybe for you yeah but that is how the game goes...unang ma in-love talo!

YOU WORKED FOR IT: what i am today is because of what i believed in and that is what i want you to know. COGITO ERGO SUM!

have you read it? and now i'm bad...ok... i got no prob with it...you've never been me! you might say "yes! i'm very much willing to leave my life for a relationship." for how long? how far would you go? is that the only thing you know...falling in love...i think i got it...you're willing to leave your life for a relationship if it' s worth it! but what makes it worth it? "kung mahal mo?" come on! kahit aso mahal mo! ibang level lang...how would you know that it's worth it? after you've been hurt and cried yourself to sleep and the only thing that he/she keeps on telling you is "i'm sorry?" for God's sake...di na dapat uso ang martir ngayon or ang ta--a ngayon! bear in mind that love most of the time, is never enough.

in the case of couples going against the power of time and distance, i admire you guys but then again you know that you are in a relationship. a relationship built on trust and constant communication. if you have those two...sige...

relationship is all about growth, it's also about the changes that occurs to both of you and if it happens that no one seems to notice the changes that has been happening, there must be something wrong. as the cliche goes, "the only constant thing in this world is CHANGE" and how would you be able to see the changes if your absent? this is like testing the waters that you first need to have a close encounter before testifying or confirming.

it's still up to you guys afterall i believe that a relationship specifically a long distance relationship this time is a matter of choice. it's a decision that only you can make and decide and that the people around are just spectators. they have nothing to do with you. only that i advise you not to engage in one coz it really is hard and this is advisable only to young adults who could really stand it. people who are already stable in all aspects of their lives. if you're that brave enough to conquer time then you're ready to pull it off. you don't really have to test the relationship if it'll work or not, if you think it really is worth it, go ahead and give it a shot. if during the time and distance you could still practice fidelity, honesty, and commitment then you have my vote!

i just have one question, why look and be with someone from afar if there is someone near? basta ako... i believe "it all falls down to who's by your side!"

"everybody has the right to love, not as of this time for me..."

NOTE: this is for the realistic and the fair idealistic ones.8

..Birds and Fishes..

"if a bird fell in love with a fish, how could they live? can one fly with fins? can one remove its wings? how pathetic...love can never change what's not meant to be"

"is there something wrong? what made you think that a bird would fall for a fish? we both know that they were not made to be together."

"you may be right but you also know that when it comes to people, there are birds and fishes, they fall in love unexpectedly, and they change unconsciously all because they love each other..."

"now i know how pathetic i am because i am a bird who has fallen for a fish...sadly...love can never change it"

"don't worry, anybody can lose one fight"

"you're definitely right, but it never entered my mind that i'll be losing the fight i never want to lose..."8

..Top 10 Rejection Lines by Women & What They Really Mean..

Isn't this really funny? but hey! do you really mean it? just asking...

10. i think of you only as my brother. (you remind me of that ''hobo'' in front of the billiard hall.)

9. there's a slight difference in our ages. (i still have my ''lolo'' you know!)

8. i'm not attracted to you in that way. (you're the ugliest dork i've laid my eyes on and even if i'm blind, i wouldn't bump into you!)

7. my life seems so complicated now. (please don't be another burden!)

6. i've got a boyfriend. (i prefer my male cat. i'd rather be a lesbian and be OUT!)

5. i don't date men where i work. (i'l better resign!)

4. it's not you. it's me. (it's really you.)

3. i'm concentrating on my career. (even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than what?! date with you?! nyyorkh!!!)2

2. i'm celibate. (i've cursed men like you!)

1. let's be friends. (you better get lost man!)

Now tell me, are these all true?! Good for you!..8

..7 Dating Sins Steadies Must Not Commit..

1. Making your steady sweat through 20 minutes of overprotective parental interrogation.

2. Pretending that you know about something he prefers to when you really don't.

3. Responding "yeah right!" my hair looks really cool when he compliments you on your gorgeous looks.

4. Ordering the priciest thing on the news.

5. Talking about your future together when you haven't even kissed yet.

6. Landing into me-me-me dialogues and never asking him a thing about himself.

7. Talking about your painfully lonely pre boyfriend days.

..The Distance Between Us..

I love you so much and that is true and it has never been a secret. I'll do whatever you ask me too. And that same love that I feel for you frustrates me at times that...

- I can't wrap my arms around you
- Whisper at your tender ears
- Cuddle you close to me
- To be beside you during your times of doubt and uneasiness
- To see you through good and bad times
- To lift you up during your deepest lows or
- To caress your tender loving face

Sometimes I resort to imagining you with me, doing the things that we love the most...

- doing fun activities together
- walking frantically
- laughing laudably
- crying
- talking
- sharing happy moments
- gazing into each other's eyes and
- even staring at each other

We are very much apart but through it all, we managed to remain close and become even much closer each and everyday. Miles can never break that special bond between us. That distance frustrating me is the same distance that keeps me holding on. So if you're feeling sad and blue, remember that I'm feeling the same way too and always remember that I do care...

I can no longer imagine the world without you and me...8

..Love & Like: The Difference Between..

try to figure this out and ask yourself.

when you like someone, your heart beats faster but when you love someone, you're happy!

when you like someone, winter is just beautiful winter but when you love someone, it feels like springtime in winter (just like the song)

when you're looking at someone you like, you blush but when you look at someone that you love, you smile (hmmnn...)

when you like someone, you can't say everything in your mind but when you love someone, you can!

when you like someone, you tend to get shy but when you love someone, you show your own self.

when there is the presence of someone you like, you can't look at him/her straight in the eye but with the presence of someone you love, you can always look at him/her with a smile...

when the person that you like is crying, you cry with him/her but when the person that you love is the one crying, you may kill for him/her...???

the kind of feeling that you have for the person that you like starts from the ear but the feeling for the person that you love starts from the eye.

so if that time comes that you finally want to stop liking the person that you used to like, all you've got to do is to cover your ears but if you'll try to close your eyes and that moment happens, the love that you have for him/her will turn into a tear flowing down your cheek and that will remain forever in your heart...

define yours...8

Subtle Press Release..

friday, 1130 pm, sittin' all alone in an empty chair, my mind's bogged down by the thought of you, i looked through the glass and rain began to pour. as the tears dried up my cheek, i began to wonder, "why am i alone?" i missed those days when you were still with me, when we used to enjoy each other's company. i really did have a great time everytime you smiled, i really did have a great time everytime you entered my mind. 2 hours had passed, i was still searchin' for you, waiting for a single message from you. how i loved those quotes, how i loved those care, how i loved those exchanges that would last till the end of day. i knew...you knew... and we both knew that time was against us and we're actually chasing it and now that you have someone even closer than i, i am afraid of loving you for i might break apart...ooppss...wait...i can now hear a sound...nah! it's just another missedcall...8

Aisle of View

loving someone is such a wonderful feeling and it becomes even more wonderful when reciprocated but what happens if the kind of love that you are giving is not even appreciated? it hurts...i know...and that's true especially if you know that the person you're in love with feels the same way...for you. mutual? yes! but...''the other'' can't go on with a life and can't even tie a relationship with you. there even came a point that choosing became ''the other's'' option. unfortunately, it went the other way. the only consolation you've got was being a part of the selection. ''you told me you love me, that i am important to you then why does it have to be like this? i just don't get it! you could have chosen me and yet...ok! you don't want to hurt me but you actually are hurting me! you're killing me softly and even burrying me 20 feet under slowly. if i could just turn back the hands of time, i wish i never met you but then again...never in anybody's life that time was unfair. while some others hoped for something like this, like the one we have (that i don't even know where to stand), i have it and i am really hurting signifying that i am sharing those stolen moments with you. and eventhough i am hurting, i'll never be sorry for loving you. eventhough i am hurting, i'll still keep on living. and eventhough i am hurting, i'll still be loving you... even in silence...

(espesyali dedikeyted tu ey clows frend of mayn)..8

Bedrock

in maintaining/sustaining a relationship, both must always understand each other's expectations. blame must never be a part of the system and guilt must be left and avoided. be ready of forthcoming insecurities. from minor grievances into resentments come pressure-packed situations that would develop into simple yet explosive confrontations. then time will demand you to be together and sometimes to be apart. it's a good sign if you could control the urgency and the feeling to keep the situation and further complications under control. most of all, remember of one another's individuality and identity that "you are still you" bear in mind that you are two different people simply sharing and binding a single time..8

Unintentional False Hopes

''there are things that aren't suppose to happen or rather occur but again choices are not of service to us but rather we are made of service to unexpected choices."

by just saying that, for sure things are now beginning to come into your risky mind that somehow you have just delivered false hopes to someone...not just anybody else...but to someone of so much importance to you.

being in a situation like that would definitely make one think and ask: what is it really about me? there must really be that something. in one's case, that something is unidentifiable and i do understand (that's what i always do). when it comes to feelings, as much as possible, i don't want to interfere! in the first place, what do i really know abour your feelings? for other people who doesn't even know what the heck is goin' on they would definitely think that you are someone who doesn't care! caring has always been in your system the reason why you can't afford to hurt someone but by simply doing so, you're unconsciously hurting him by giving him that little glimmer of hope brought about by your actions and you're out to tell the whole world (if you can) "that's not what i meant" again i do understand. of course there came a point that you really wanted to end this all up but it's not that easy but how could you give another start if you don't know how to end it? and ending doesn't mean that you also stop loving him but ending to stop hurting him. i might sound so crazy and stupid but if it's the proper thing to do then do it!!!

the world is really paradoxical: we need to go down to be able to go up; we need to be separated to be together; we need to live with the past to live with the present and the future; and most of all, we need to let go to let it all in...8

Unintentionally Implied

i recently found myself on the verge of breakin' out when on the day of the ash, something unnoticeably came up. for so many years i tried (asap) not to hurt anybody's feelings. i am very much careful that my criticisms doesn't hurt the feelings of others. unfortunately, i did, but i didn't mean it. but still, i did! on that day, if i could still remember it right, i lost my senses, i didn't know what was happening around me, and i felt so much pressure on my shoulders that i suddenly blurted out somethings, some thoughts and that was it! i have hurt her feelings. it was nothing (til now it still stands it was nothing) it wasn't really the thing that i wanted to imply... i still have hurt her. i already said "sorry" this time i mean it not because i was guilty or anything but because whether i intentionally hurt her or not, whether i liked it or not, the point is that I HAVE HURT HER IN WHICHEVER WAY SHE THOUGHT IT TO BE...5 days had passed and i haven't heard anything from her side that's okay i understand (that's what i always do) maybe she's trying to cool herself off. if nothing happens, at least i did my part...

then i asked myself and some people who saw what happened, 50% said, i had my fault. fine! 40% said, none! 5% said, "ok lang yon lalamig din yan", and 5% "nodded" and i don't know how to interpret it. if that is the case, i don't know where to put myself into.but 1 person surfaced by saying "wala akong nakikitang mali dun rivs hindi lang siya sanay sa kultura ng klase niyo na lahat e nagtatawanan...kaya akala niya napahiya siya." sana ganon nga...still i've hurt her...

so! "can we talk later"8

A Vicious Circle of Life

Have you ever wondered why certain things happen apparently without reason or just beyond control? We often hear and read about commodity prices rising, frequent brownouts, and crimes committed at all times. Are they inevitable?

The Philippine media is now telling the world at large that the Philippines is now below the poverty line and this is due to the fact that we Filipinos are ignorant, yes indeed! We are ignorant! If not, how come most filipinos voted for someone who doesn't even know what politics really is? Haven't they thought of this, he was just putting on appearances and resorting to gimmickry just to achieve his long-term goal of joining that million-earning politics world?! and he even had this line "PARA SA MAHIRAP" that is why until now we are all "mahirap." The reason for this kind of ignorance is often attributed to our common problem which seems to have no solution in sight, POVERTY which results to ignorance because of lack of education then back to again -- POVERTY! We call this as a vicious circle. Is this the way our lives should go?

We filipinos are the greatest escape artists, add to that is the fact that we are gullible enough to put our lives in jeopardy. We make use of our freedom the wrong way, put someone in position and when not satisfied, RALLY!!! (welga). Hey what do you think you're doing? You were given the right , the chance, and you blew it!!! And now your one of those people out to rally just adding up to the problems of traffic?! Instead of doing such crazy things, why don't you make use of your time looking for a job and stop pointing fingers on who did or didn't do this and that. While most of us sit back and relax as if nothing's happening, some have thought of leaving the country for that's the only way for them to live normally. They prefer working abroad, but who are we to blame?! They have no education and they are afraid to get out of their current situation because of lack of assistance. Hence , they commit crime.

Crime as a social problem is often attributed to our government's failure of uplifting our educational system.

Now, I think, it is time for our government to get rid of those educational systems wherein only those who have the money can avail! And as for you people, make use of your freedom and right wisely. As part of Michael Jackson's song "if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a change."..8