The Philippines Within A Thousand Years

Here's a speech that was delivered by yours truly back in 2000. It's been such a long time already and I can surprisingly still remember the piece. It took me some time though. Thought of sharing it with you.

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More than a thousand years ago, Dr. Jose Rizal wrote an essay in which he asked, what would become of the Philippines within a century. In this particular essay, he argued for the urgent necessity of basic reforms such as the institution of a free press in the Philippines and its representation in the Spanish Cortes, that is, if Spain wanted to preserve the Philippines as a loyal colony. Still, with the penetrating insight of a social analyst, Rizal more than just hinted at the independence that the Filipinos would eventually seek. It was just a matter of time and a questiom whether the separation between Spain and the Philippines would be marked with gratitude and love, or, hatred and resentment.

That question of course, would be answered less than a decade after the essay "Filipinas Dentro de Cien Años" was published in "La Solidaridad." Now, with our freedom having been finally won and our friendly relations with Spain having been restored, we ask, as Rizal once did, if not with the same insight, at least with the same urgency "What have we, as a nation gained and learned in the past century?" "What can we look forward to in the coming years, in the advent of the new millenium?"

It will perhaps be remarked that it is only with a certain kind of hubris that we can ever dare to consider the fate of  a nation in a thousand years when our puny lives barely last for a century. Pundits might even say that this exercise is laughable for a nation that sorely lacks the foresight to even plan for a decade. But we dare to consider such criticism by stressing that the import of this exercise lies not so much in our ability to foretell the future. Its value lies in providing us the opportunity to take stock of our readiness (or unreadiness) not only to face, but to rise up to the challenges posed for us by the rapid and revolutionary changes brought forth by the new millenium.

Moreover, is it not the case that the hubris of dreaming and planning for the future might very well be a necessary stage in the participation of people as well as individuals? The ability to anticipate and prepare for the future indicates a capacity to rise and break free from the captivity of needs, situations, and concerns. But when this rising to meet the needs turn into a fantastical flight of fancy, we have to open our eyes in the actual possibilities opened up by the present and held by the past. For the possibilities of the future and the realities of the present are ultimately grounded in the conditions of the past. There is indeed a lot of wisdom to be gained in that tired old truism, "Look forward to the future, be aware of the present, remember the past."

Remember the past? Why let ourselves be bogged down by the grievous errors of the past? Why let ourselves be mesmerized by the ---- accomplishments of the past? Why such a fixation for the past? Is this not ultimately counter-productive? Let bygones be bygones. A pre-occupation with the past only prevents us from as they say, "pole-vaulting" into the future.

Here, it is important that we recognize the distinction between a paralyzing fixation with the past and a productive, insightful remembrance of the past. It is the latter kind of relationship with the past that we advocate. Within this light, history is not seen as a barren collection of fossilized facts and details. Rather, it becomes a living conversation between the past, present, and future. Likewise, we become aware of the momentousness of our consciousness as historical beings. For why would we even raise the question of the significance of the next millenium if we had not some vague notion of our being borne by the tide of history?

Sadly, it is precisely this healthy sense of history that we seem to painfully lack as a nation. It has been noted again and again that we as people are characterized by the complacent forgetting of the past as if it were a heavy baggage that must be left behind in order to move forward. The fixation with progress, with the "high-tech" with the future becomes as it were the dynamo that grinds and dissolves into pieces whatever is tied up with the backward and unenlightened past.

We need to develop critical minds that do not seem to accept the bipolar opposition between the love and appreciation of the past and the future. It is a sophisticated mind after all that appreciates the beauty and truth of a paradoxical reality. A reality in which we cannot simply divorce the present and the future from the past.

What lessons then can we learn from our experience as a nation these past one hundred years - lessons which hopefully will enable us to face up to the challenges of the new millenium?

A lot has been said about the tremendous talent and capacity of the individual Filipino to do whatever it is to which he/she sets his/her mind. Just imagine the feats accomplished when those Filipinos combined their individual talents and skills to a collective effort. Yes! Who would have thought that these Filipinos would have the gall to declare their independence? Who would have thought that they would be able to come up with a constitution? Who would have thought that - almost a century later - they would be able to come up with a relatively bloodless revolution?

It is when it becomes clear in our minds that we stand and fall, live and die as one nation, that we are able to relish and experience our most glorious moments. If only we can hold this in our minds and not forget. If only we can hold this in our hearts and not forget.

From the very beginning of our history as a nation, we have always been an amalgam of many divers cultures. Whatever unity we have gained, it has not been and will not be, through an erasure and forgetting of differences. If only we can keep this in our hearts and minds and not forget.

In the face of the current dissatisfaction and disillusionment not only with our leaders but with the very institution of government, not only with the government but with the very fabric of our society, it would be a real eye-opener to realize that we can never remain as fence-sitters. We have to be vigilant and active. That is, if we sincerely desire the welfare of our society. If only we can keep this in our hearts and minds and not forget.

Amidst the arrogant proclamation of demagogues about their final solutions and shrill cries of prophets of doom about the futility of it all, it would be refreshing to humbly acknowledge that our work for freedom, justice, and peace never ends. And in all this, never to lose hope in molding a better nation and bringing forth a better world. If only we can keep this in our hearts and minds and not forget.

If only we can hold, keep, treasure all these things in our hearts and minds and not forget.

We may well be on a good and exciting journey, not only towards the new millenium, but also towards our maturation as a nation.

Good Governance: Our Right, Our Responsibility

For years my head has been struggling to answer one question…Why are the people in our country so fragmented?…Like, why are there so many factions in the government? In the military? In business? In communities? In the studentry?…That there is what we call the "right wing" and then there is the "left wing?" In the university where I came from, we call them ‘tibak’; ‘aktibista’; or worst ‘NPA wanna be’s.’

And for years, I have been listening modestly and patiently on what they have been saying… 10 percent comment about capitalism, 10 percent comment about equality, 25 percent comment about social strata and a humongous 55 percent comment about Good Governance. They say that our country lacks it. That our country should have it!

But what I forgot to ask them is "What is good governance in the first place?" Does it mean that if our country would have this, it would belong to the first world? That if our country could acquire this, then there would be economic stability? If our country can have good governance, does this mean that we can have a fair share on the issue of WTO? Or should we even use the word GOOD and GOVERNANCE in one sentence?

A couple of years ago, issues have been heaping up in our country, workers demand for the P125 across-the-board increase which was not really met, issues about Indigenous Community Militarization, which again killed dozens of Aetas, Manobos and Hanunuo since our indigenous brothers did not agree with the conversion of their tribes’ land into militarized areas, a series of Oil price hikes and then a few rollbacks which just like the previously stated events all ended in favor of lobbying groups. If you will take a look at all of these issues, they have a common ground…they are all government concerns.

The Philippine Government has been claiming all along that it is democratic…that we are very lucky since it is one of the freest countries in the world…that our government was made by the people, for the people…that our government system is IDEAL. Come to think of it, ideal is synonymous to perfect and since grade four my often quoted motto is NOBODY is PERFECT. In this context, I could safely assume that the Philippine Government has been lying all along, that its claim about idealism is a lie.

I am 18 years old. I am a student. I value education. I try to be an asset to my country. But I can only do so much. While most of my peers value signature items and gossips about their latest varsity crushes, I prefer to sit down and ask questions about my country. If government officials have been claiming that ours is an ideal form and I find out that it has been lying all along…what should I do?

To be honest, I do not know. Perhaps the answer would be to demand good governance from each citizen. But the problem is that the youth, like me, lack influence in formulating public policies. Our exclusion is caused by both external and internal barriers. The external barriers have to do with a ‘culture of apprehension’; reflective of the generation gap that tends to breed a sense of mistrust and misunderstanding between adults and youth. It is also reflected in the government and other decision-making bodies that do not bother to involve young people in policy development. Instead, young people are generally treated as the "next generation" and "leaders of tomorrow." The internal barriers relate specifically to youth, who often fail to see themselves as actors in decision-making processes. This is partly the result of never being taught that they have a role to play in making policy decisions, and partly a result of youth organizations lacking the necessary skills and strategic thinking to make inroads into policy circles. This brings me to the query. Does it have something to do with budget cutting on educational funds every time there is a national emergency? Why does it have to be the educational funds?

I remember when Nelson Mandela delivered his speech in the African Youth Convention. He firmly stated that a time comes in the life of any nation when there remain only two choices - submit or fight. And as of this moment I believe that there is nothing left for the youths of today to do but to fight and demand for good governance. It is our right and it is our responsibility.

Involving us young people in policy-making is important. It provides opportunities to build skills and learn from experiences that will serve us well throughout our lives. It will help us combat cynicism about politics and politicians, It will give us a first-hand understanding on how decision-making processes function. It will strengthen the civil society - will demonstrate the value of the public sector and of public service. At the same time, it will give us the chance to participate in the development of communities – in social, economic, cultural, and political terms. Lastly, it will help us disprove the multitude of negative stereotypes about youth that continue to exist.

Asking questions does not mean one is practicing treason. Demanding for an answer will not make one commit sedition. I call these two involvement. The youth is not a ‘next generation’ scenario, we are happening today, this very minute and we are assets longing to be tapped by our country. We should not be afraid of growing slowly, we must be afraid only of standing still…Of doing nothing for the country that has been our shelter, our protection, our home.

Good governance is not a gift. The youth like us have the right to Demand for it...Work for it…and Assume Responsibility for it. Who so neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future! 



Speech Delivered in 2004 by: mrlvtubid (brasil tubid)
Community Chest Foundation
Oration Contest
Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila

..Light..

"I badly need a light at the end of this dark tunnel I'm in.."..8

..I love You in spite of..

What hurts the most?..

When you can’t fight for that one thing that would make you happy...

I may never be the person you look forward to seeing every day but I will always be the person who will look out for you each and every day.. Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity and so we ask ourselves: Will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Love is when you can't sleep.. it’s when you want to keep your eyes open..
Love isn’t when you keep holding on.. it’s when you learn to let go..
Love isn’t when you kill yourself with jealousy.. it’s when you understand..
Love isn't when you fall for someone.. it’s when you catch that person when she falls.. Love isn’t when you see her everywhere.. it’s when you close your eyes and she is still there..
Love isn’t when you tell her what you feel.. it’s when you give everything for her sake.. And love isn’t when you think you were blind.. it’s when you know she was wrong but you didn’t mind.

..Sacrifice or No Sacrifice?..

Are you willing to leave your life for a relationship?

i know your in love as of this time but how long will it stay? some might ask me "have you ever been in love?" yes i did it's just that i do not sound like i really have been... maybe because... i've been in so much pain in my whole and that i don't want that to happen again...not with you, not with anybody else, not in this lifetime baby!!!

if asked with the same question, NOPE!!! here are 2 of MY reasons why:

YOU CAN'T JUST SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR ANYBODY: that is the rule of my game. if you got yours, i also got mine! clever?! maybe for you yeah but that is how the game goes...unang ma in-love talo!

YOU WORKED FOR IT: what i am today is because of what i believed in and that is what i want you to know. COGITO ERGO SUM!

have you read it? and now i'm bad...ok... i got no prob with it...you've never been me! you might say "yes! i'm very much willing to leave my life for a relationship." for how long? how far would you go? is that the only thing you know...falling in love...i think i got it...you're willing to leave your life for a relationship if it' s worth it! but what makes it worth it? "kung mahal mo?" come on! kahit aso mahal mo! ibang level lang...how would you know that it's worth it? after you've been hurt and cried yourself to sleep and the only thing that he/she keeps on telling you is "i'm sorry?" for God's sake...di na dapat uso ang martir ngayon or ang ta--a ngayon! bear in mind that love most of the time, is never enough.

in the case of couples going against the power of time and distance, i admire you guys but then again you know that you are in a relationship. a relationship built on trust and constant communication. if you have those two...sige...

relationship is all about growth, it's also about the changes that occurs to both of you and if it happens that no one seems to notice the changes that has been happening, there must be something wrong. as the cliche goes, "the only constant thing in this world is CHANGE" and how would you be able to see the changes if your absent? this is like testing the waters that you first need to have a close encounter before testifying or confirming.

it's still up to you guys afterall i believe that a relationship specifically a long distance relationship this time is a matter of choice. it's a decision that only you can make and decide and that the people around are just spectators. they have nothing to do with you. only that i advise you not to engage in one coz it really is hard and this is advisable only to young adults who could really stand it. people who are already stable in all aspects of their lives. if you're that brave enough to conquer time then you're ready to pull it off. you don't really have to test the relationship if it'll work or not, if you think it really is worth it, go ahead and give it a shot. if during the time and distance you could still practice fidelity, honesty, and commitment then you have my vote!

i just have one question, why look and be with someone from afar if there is someone near? basta ako... i believe "it all falls down to who's by your side!"

"everybody has the right to love, not as of this time for me..."

NOTE: this is for the realistic and the fair idealistic ones.8

..Birds and Fishes..

"if a bird fell in love with a fish, how could they live? can one fly with fins? can one remove its wings? how pathetic...love can never change what's not meant to be"

"is there something wrong? what made you think that a bird would fall for a fish? we both know that they were not made to be together."

"you may be right but you also know that when it comes to people, there are birds and fishes, they fall in love unexpectedly, and they change unconsciously all because they love each other..."

"now i know how pathetic i am because i am a bird who has fallen for a fish...sadly...love can never change it"

"don't worry, anybody can lose one fight"

"you're definitely right, but it never entered my mind that i'll be losing the fight i never want to lose..."8

..7 Dating Sins Steadies Must Not Commit..

1. Making your steady sweat through 20 minutes of overprotective parental interrogation.

2. Pretending that you know about something he prefers to when you really don't.

3. Responding "yeah right!" my hair looks really cool when he compliments you on your gorgeous looks.

4. Ordering the priciest thing on the news.

5. Talking about your future together when you haven't even kissed yet.

6. Landing into me-me-me dialogues and never asking him a thing about himself.

7. Talking about your painfully lonely pre boyfriend days.

Unintentionally Implied

i recently found myself on the verge of breakin' out when on the day of the ash, something unnoticeably came up. for so many years i tried (asap) not to hurt anybody's feelings. i am very much careful that my criticisms doesn't hurt the feelings of others. unfortunately, i did, but i didn't mean it. but still, i did! on that day, if i could still remember it right, i lost my senses, i didn't know what was happening around me, and i felt so much pressure on my shoulders that i suddenly blurted out somethings, some thoughts and that was it! i have hurt her feelings. it was nothing (til now it still stands it was nothing) it wasn't really the thing that i wanted to imply... i still have hurt her. i already said "sorry" this time i mean it not because i was guilty or anything but because whether i intentionally hurt her or not, whether i liked it or not, the point is that I HAVE HURT HER IN WHICHEVER WAY SHE THOUGHT IT TO BE...5 days had passed and i haven't heard anything from her side that's okay i understand (that's what i always do) maybe she's trying to cool herself off. if nothing happens, at least i did my part...

then i asked myself and some people who saw what happened, 50% said, i had my fault. fine! 40% said, none! 5% said, "ok lang yon lalamig din yan", and 5% "nodded" and i don't know how to interpret it. if that is the case, i don't know where to put myself into.but 1 person surfaced by saying "wala akong nakikitang mali dun rivs hindi lang siya sanay sa kultura ng klase niyo na lahat e nagtatawanan...kaya akala niya napahiya siya." sana ganon nga...still i've hurt her...

so! "can we talk later"8

A Vicious Circle of Life

Have you ever wondered why certain things happen apparently without reason or just beyond control? We often hear and read about commodity prices rising, frequent brownouts, and crimes committed at all times. Are they inevitable?

The Philippine media is now telling the world at large that the Philippines is now below the poverty line and this is due to the fact that we Filipinos are ignorant, yes indeed! We are ignorant! If not, how come most filipinos voted for someone who doesn't even know what politics really is? Haven't they thought of this, he was just putting on appearances and resorting to gimmickry just to achieve his long-term goal of joining that million-earning politics world?! and he even had this line "PARA SA MAHIRAP" that is why until now we are all "mahirap." The reason for this kind of ignorance is often attributed to our common problem which seems to have no solution in sight, POVERTY which results to ignorance because of lack of education then back to again -- POVERTY! We call this as a vicious circle. Is this the way our lives should go?

We filipinos are the greatest escape artists, add to that is the fact that we are gullible enough to put our lives in jeopardy. We make use of our freedom the wrong way, put someone in position and when not satisfied, RALLY!!! (welga). Hey what do you think you're doing? You were given the right , the chance, and you blew it!!! And now your one of those people out to rally just adding up to the problems of traffic?! Instead of doing such crazy things, why don't you make use of your time looking for a job and stop pointing fingers on who did or didn't do this and that. While most of us sit back and relax as if nothing's happening, some have thought of leaving the country for that's the only way for them to live normally. They prefer working abroad, but who are we to blame?! They have no education and they are afraid to get out of their current situation because of lack of assistance. Hence , they commit crime.

Crime as a social problem is often attributed to our government's failure of uplifting our educational system.

Now, I think, it is time for our government to get rid of those educational systems wherein only those who have the money can avail! And as for you people, make use of your freedom and right wisely. As part of Michael Jackson's song "if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a change."..8

Juliana Palermo: "Hija, uti na lang maganda ka"

it has been 3 months since the last time i spent watching television shows and one of them is DEBATE, aired by GMA7 every thursday night. so i got so excited when i turned on the tv set and discover that the said show's gonna be tackling the english language, if we filipinos are really "nangangamote" when it comes to it.

on the we're not "nangangamote" side there was mr. monico puentebella, camille roxas, and juliana palermo. on the other side were former DECS secretary nilo rosas, cong. amang rodriguez magsaysay and comedienne beverly salviejo. at first glance, the topic seemed to be okay and i was really expecting some positive outcomes if proven that we filipinos are really not that good in english. unfortunately, it was the other way around. beverly started telling stories about her experiences as a teacher. she said that it would be very hard for her to teach if she doesn't have enough command of the language. she also emphasized that several subjects like math and science really needs to be taught in english. after a while, juliana palermo (kung sino ka man) said that "math is not english", "science is not english". "math is all about numbers and they are not english". ok, ok, i get your point but i want to ask you, won't you find it difficult to teach math and science using tagalog? i think you will! sige nga you translate in tagalog the terms square root, cube root, differential calculus, integral calculus, pag nagawa mo baka maniwala ako sa'yo!!! regarding the sciences, chemistry, and physics, sa tingin mo kaya mong tagalugin yung mga topics na itinuturo ng mga teachers? like sodium bicarbonate, trinitrotoluene, metamphetamine hydrochloride, etc.? again, if you can, baka pumasa yang sinasabi mo. unless you could do it, i won't believe you!!! how dare you say that as of this time the philippine society is being bombarded with a lot of bisaya and konti na lang ang tagalog? if i could still remember it right, you said "nakakahiya!" for your information, the people you've been calling "bisaya" are the only people you can consider as the good speakers of english. how about you? during the debate, you cannot even speak english fluently and articulately! kung saan ka man galing bumalik ka na lang doon. don't you dare do that again!!!..8

"KUN-O" (Mga Kunyaring Tao)

Malapit na ang eleksyon, kapag ganitong mga panahon, dumarami na ang tao sa daan at ang lahat ay nakikipagmabutihan. Mayroong mga kumakaway at mayroon din namang mga kumakamay na para bang "friends" kayo at pagdaan sa harap ko, nag-isip ba ako o ako na ay nalito?

Ang ganda nya, ang pogi nya at ang kutis nila ay mapupula akala ko nga ay mga artista (ang ilan sa kanila, oo). Kinamayan ako pero natandaan ba ako? Kinawayan din ako pero sigurado bang ako e nakashades papaano?! Lahat ng iyan ay nakakamangha, nakakaaliw, at higit sa lahat, sobrang magulo! Minsan nga mas gugustuhin ko pang huwag na lang bumoto! Kapag hindi ko naman ginamit ang karapatan kong ito, dalawang bagay lang ito, ang may bumoto para sa akin o ipagkatiwala sa iba ang bukas natin. Kapag bumoto naman ako, dalawang bagay lang ulit, ang manalo ang ibinoto ko o iba ang manalo! Napakasimple pero dapat pa ring pag-isipan. Gawin ko ang bukas ko o ang bukas ang magdikta at gumawa ng buhay ko?! Hindi dapat pagkatiwalaan ang hindi katiwa-tiwala at huwag ding hayaang sirain ng bukas ang ating mga ipinundar!

Napansin ko lang, ang daming gustong maging pangulo. Bakit kaya 'di natin baliktarin ang mundo? Bakit 'di tayo magbotohan kung sino ang simple at totoong tao? Sigurado ako, kakaunti ang mananalo. Ano ba kasi ang maganda sa posisyong ito? Napakaliit na gusot, wala kang lusot! Hindi ka mangurakot, mabuti kang tao, wala ka nga lang matinong trabaho. Mangurakot ka, mayroong trabaho yun nga lang, masama ito! Ano ba talaga kuya?! Ang lahat ng problema, ay sa iyo idinudulog samantalang ikaw ay walang madulugan. Ikaw din ang nagsisilbing sumbungan ng bayan, samantalang ikaw ay walang masumbungan! Hindi ka naman diyos ngunit ikaw ay sinasamba. Mabait ka naman, mukha ka nga lang masama! Ang laging dahilan ay ang makapaglingkod sa bayan kaya gustong manalo sa halalan pero 'pag sinabihan mong kailangang maglinis ng daan, ang sasabihin ay "may metro-aide naman." Bakit 'di na lang pala metro-aide ang gawing pangulo ng bayan? Isa pa! Sabi nya, sya daw ay "makahirap" kaya naman pala tayo ay 'di na makaahon sa hirap!

Isa lang naman ang gusto kong mangyari, manmanan ang balota, magmasid at makialam. Sa panahon natin ngayon, hindi naman yan kasalanan! Ang lahat ay dapat kumilos nang tayo ay umunlad. Kung hindi tayo ang kikilos, sino? ANG MUNDO?! Oo! Pababa nga lang! Kaya sana pag-isipan natin ang bagay na ito, ang botohan! Ipanalanging walang mangyaring dayaan, walang dagdag bawas at ang mga patay ay manatiling patay baka mamaya lang kasi bigla silang mabuhay. Alam nyo bang maaari nating ibahin ang nakaraan at huwag ng bumalik sa mali nating pananaw at nakagisnan? Io! Hindi yan malayo sa posible at katotohanan. Ang lahat ng 'yan ay nasa ating mga kamay kaibigan!..8

To Wed or Not To Wed

have you ever wondered why a man marries a woman for a particular reason or for no reason at all?! is this part of their obligations or is this just for the sake of formality?!

well, for me it's just for the sake of formality! why?! try to figure this out! is it really an obligation for a man to marry a woman just for the stupid reason that he got her pregnant? is it an obligation or a sacred thing that must be followed before they could be together and have that three letter word called " heaven?" or is this part of what we call formality just to be able to say and even shout in front of so many people that you are married even if you don't love that person? the only reason you married her in the first place is because the woman is already pregnant and you have to give the child his rights, give him a name and make him legitimate! and worst, to cover up the family's reputation that has been ruined because of what?! youe stupidity! no!!! don't get me wrong, i am a woman in the real sense of the word and i myself had also dreamed of my "perfect" wedding but it would only be an insult to me if i got married out of those reasons.

" most men are just the same, they're just interested in fu**ing you and they don't care whether you're happy or sad. they just want to get on with their bussiness in and out of bed, and they'll make you feel that you don't count except as their s*xtoy." this was what Cameron Diaz said in one of her interviews when she was asked about men. and as for me, it was all true!

i'm not telling you not to marry anymore but if you don't want to be like any woman who has experienced those things then try to think about it first. remember that love most of the time is not enough to maintain a relationship. as Franklin once said, " where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage." your certificate of marriage is just a piece of paper, and a piece of paper doesn't prove anything. if you really have the urge and you have already set your mind that "he" is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, with or without marriage, you would definitely prevail. now! have you thought about it?!..8

Death Is beautiful

"I AM NOT AFRAID OF DEATH, I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE PRESENT WHEN IT HAPPENS!"-- woody allen

does anybody here who is very much afraid of death want to experience it even for just a minute or two?! for whatever reason? out of curiosity, yes i do!

i used to have a series of bad dreams, it happens between the hour of two and three in the morning. i was just nineteen then when it started. actually, i still have attacks of that oceanic feeling up until now. but you know what's interesting about it?, ir's quite unexplainable! why?! because i couldn't even directly say that it was a dream, a nightmare, or if it's something beyond that! i could still clearly remember that night when i had my baddest and the scariest dream anybody could have. that night i decided to sleep early for i was very tired. it was about thirty minutes past the hour of eight, which was quite unusual because i have insomnia. several hours passed, i was already asleep, having REM (Rapid Eye Movement), which is just normal. then, i went up to lose my shit in the comfort room--that was about two in the morning then back to sleep again. after a few minutes, i saw myself turning into different directions but when i was about to turn into my right, i can't! my head, my legs, i can't move them but my eyes felt like. deep within myself i know that i'm awake, my body wasn't though i have just went back down. so, i tried to move my right hand, it did! but i saw that it wasn't really my hand that has moved. it was my soul! my spirit! and i got scared! and i can see it clearly! what if my soul rises from me and it won't come back, i might be dead! i started shouting trying to call the attention of my mom but my voice won't come out. i was struggling and the last thing i could do was to pray and after a few minutes, i came back to my senses, it was all over. i noticed how frail i was and i was breathing with great difficulty. that led me to the thought of what would it feel like dying?!

most of the people i've talked to says that they're very much afraid of death. but what is it about death that we're very much afraid of? is it because of death itself? the fact that our existence would forever vanish without having achieved everything that we've planned and wanted? is it because, we don't have any idea of what would happen next after our life here? is there really life after death?! these are just some of the questions that lingers in our minds. so one night, when i was sitting alone, feeling stumped, i said " you know what would be amazing? if one day, i would be given a chance to experience death for a few minutes and discover that our perception of it is very different and very wrong and when i come back, i could tell the whole world that it is something very far from what we have believed and thought of and that we have nothing to be afraid of, then maybe i could ease the fear that we all have! and knowing that death is something that beautiful, then maybe it would be better to be dead and be happy than be alive then killed to death and be forever sad. "

that may be my reason why i want to experience something as morbid as death, to know that something eternal awaits us. so the next time we come across that word again, it wouldn't be fear that we have to feel but something as delightful as seeing our loved ones who have been there greeting us and saying " welcome to the world of death where life most flourishes!" but for now, i want to make the most out of what i have. you, are you afraid of death?!..8